Selecting a support group is a personal decision. In order to provide as many resources as I can, you should know I am not a member of all of these groups.
My advice would be to try them out for yourself to see if it is a good fit. See my advice for joining an online forum below.
If you are aware of any other good support groups, let me know and I'll add them to the list.
ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS for ACONS
- OTHER SUPPORT PROGRAMS
- Since it is very common for us to be dealing with other forms of family dysfunction aside from narcissism - here are other support organizations:
- Adult Children of Alcoholics
- Co-Dependants Anonymous
- Emotions Anonymous
Hints for finding the right fit:
- Normally, the support group will have a "Code of Conduct" - make sure you read and understand it before posting. If you do not agree with something in the CoC, you may want to seek out a different group that better aligns with what you value and makes you feel safe.
- Lurk for a while. Read the other posts and see how the group members relate to each other. Is is supportive? Are you getting something out of just watching? Is there drama, fighting, or name calling? Do you feel comfortable/uncomfortable here? Do you feel you can express yourself in an authentic way without feeling guarded or judged? This is a good time to observe your gut feelings and act on them.
- When you do post, protect your identity. Don't tell too much about who you are, what you do, where you live until you know you can trust the board and the members in it. Do the same when forming virtual friendships.
- That being said - by all means connect with other ACONs outside of the boards - through e-mail or social sights. If you are on a social sight, such as Facebook, its probably best to keep your struggle with N-FOO as private as possible. ACONs have other things in common besides N-parents and great friendships can be formed.
- When you post or reply to comments, do so with empathy. Even when it is clear that a member needs a heavy, heaping helping of reality, do so kindly.
- If you observe a member acting hostile or you believe that person may be suffering from a PD - my recommendation is DON'T CALL THEM OUT. Simply ignore the person and stop engaging them. I've seen whole boards thrown into a tizzy because one member is calling another member a Narc. It may or may not be true - but I have never seen anything productive come out of this - only hurt feelings and general mistrust. If the person is really a trolling N - the ensuing chaos opens the door from them to cause more damage. Ignore them and they'll get bored and move on.
- That being said - from time to time you may find yourself in a position where you have to defend yourself or others. Choose your words and battles wisely. Actually, this could be a good exercise in becoming more assertive and handling conflict. You should address the root cause in a responsible, compassionate manner. The goal is to always maintain healthy relationships. Don't let conflict or battle stand in the way of your healing.
