Comments on One Angry Daughter: The Proverbial "Straw that broke the camel's back"...

I just realized in the last week that my mother is...

2011-12-13T15:05:59.246-08:00

I just realized in the last week that my mother is an NM. The experience has been exhilirating, and exhausting. Fortunately I went NC with my NM over a year ago, and that is probably the only reason I can have the perspective to see my mother for what she is, I was so manipulative. I had many many experiences like the one you posted, but in my GC/manipulated state, I would have seen her reactions as normal, and would have just accomodated her. I am so glad to be in a better place now. Thank you for this blog!!

I remember when I was 7 months pregnant with our ...

2011-09-14T13:40:49.594-07:00

I remember when I was 7 months pregnant with our son. My Mother in law had just passed away in England. I called my mother (who had never met her), and my mother asked if my husband was going to the funeral. I said, "Of course he is..it's his mother." She then said, "She didn't love him." And then she said, "Mother's die." She was actually jealous of a dead woman...

@An Thank you for your comments! I'm so glad...

2011-02-23T05:53:48.364-08:00

@An

Thank you for your comments! I'm so glad that you and your husband are comforted in the knowledge that you are not alone - although none of us would wish this situation on our worst enemy. When I found out about NPD - reading blogs, articles, books and message boards was such a gift.

Have you all checked out http://suburbanblacksheep.blogspot.com/? That blog owner is also an adult son of an narcissistic mother.

Hello, I just discovered your blog through DoNM. I...

2011-02-22T10:12:47.353-08:00

Hello, I just discovered your blog through DoNM. I just recently discovered this term and have been reading up on it. My MIL is a NM and my husband had a very difficult childhood - luckily he was able to escape her at age 14, but he still deals with the effects to this day.

When we had children, he had an epiphany. Being a father he just could NOT fathom treating his children the way he was treated, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back for him. He decided on Limited Contact, which is not very hard as she lives in another country.

But he still had a ton of guilt about it, which I did not realize until I found a forum for adult children of NMs and showed it to him. He realized he was not alone with limiting or cutting off contact and it was a HUGE relief to him.

We support her financially which assuages his guilt somewhat, since she cannot hold a job for long. (The money is just automatically deposited in her account, so we don't actually have to interact with her.) Still it is never enough.

Funny thing is my husband also had a sports car that he loved and spent a lot of time with in the garage, and it was also a source of contention... i.e., why doesn't he give her the money that he "wastes" on his car? (We always say we can't afford to bring her to the US and so she complains every time she hears of us spending money.)

Thank you for your blog, I'm so glad we have a name for how she is and that we are not alone.

Interesting that the post and several comments tal...

2011-01-02T22:43:19.808-08:00

Interesting that the post and several comments talk about baby shower blow ups with NMs. It reminds me of the fact about pregnancy being the tipping point for spousal abuse, if a man has the controlling behaviour and potential for domestic for abuse, this will often explode while the partner is pregnant. This is where he can see he is no longer the one who will get the most attention, and that there will be a permanent change in the relationship.

Hello, I can totally relate to this same story --...

2010-09-22T10:36:30.484-07:00

Hello,

I can totally relate to this same story -- last year, I was pregnant and my fiance and I had a run-in at my shower with my mom. Please read attached and know you are not alone.
http://babyjacksback.blogspot.com/2009/08/finger-rolls-do-not-shower-make.html

Hi Calendula, thank you for leaving a comment. I...

2010-08-21T09:46:56.964-07:00

Hi Calendula, thank you for leaving a comment. I'd like to hear more about your experience if you want to share it. If you want, you can e-mail me at oneangrydaughter@gmail.com. Its scary sometimes how DoNM stories are so similar, but at least it does gives us the feeling that we are not the only ones.

I linked through Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers...

2010-08-20T15:24:48.306-07:00

I linked through Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and cannot believe how similar of a story I have. We, too, had a nontraditional shower. We, too, did not open our gifts. My mother also had a fit about it. The car story brought back another memory of my own. I will continue reading. Just wanted you to know that you are certainly not alone.

@PeaceBStill - thank you for sharing and validatin...

2010-07-22T06:18:11.048-07:00

@PeaceBStill - thank you for sharing and validating my experience. NMs wait until they have their daughters cornered without their husband or other support to lay in on them. And they seem to always have these thoughts in their heads that our motives are to hurt them. They make stuff up and use that to "prove" their cases. It is absolutely crazy making.

My husband was pulling his hair out towards the end of the pregnancy because I was fretting about how and when we would call family when the baby arrived. I just knew if his family found out before mine - or if his family got to the hospital before mine - my family would be so resentful. I took me a while to realize it is not about the order everyone got called or my responsibility to coordinate it so everyone got there at the exact same time. All that mattered is that it was my husband and my special day and we could handle the spreading of the news however we wanted.

I can relate so much to your story. I too, very pr...

2010-07-21T19:56:58.070-07:00

I can relate so much to your story. I too, very pregnant had a knock down drag out fight with my "mother". While it wasn't during a shower, I was going with my then fiance to a weekly doctor appt. She got it into her psychotic head that I was going to be induced and that all of his family would be there!!! Where she got that, who knows!! My poor husband was upstairs just listening to us fighting...me telling her she was crazy and her ranting and raging saying horrible things!!! I understand your feelings of mortification. Husband had no idea what was going on. He had never heard anything like this before. What I found out later was that he was on the phone with his sister asking her what he should do?

My mother has directed me to your page, which I fi...

2009-06-19T09:00:36.540-07:00

My mother has directed me to your page, which I find ironic under the circumstances of the post. I unfortunately share similar experiences with my own father, but to a less extreme note. I just wanted to say that I am aware of such people and that it is very obstructing to attempt condoning guilt created for the purpose of destroying your pride and stability in yourself.