A Lesson on Cacti and Parenting

Last Tuesday morning I came up with the best Christmas gift for my husband. He had been talking about planting an ocotillo out in the front yard and pulling out a couple of yuccas that have worn out their welcome. Since I knew this was quite a bit of work, I decided I would go and pick out the ocotillo and maybe an agave or prickly pear – then hire someone to come plant them the next morning while he was at work to surprise him.

Deciding on where to get my cacti was easy. There is a man I refer to as Dr. Cactus who lives about five miles away from my house. His entire front yard is full of cacti – grown from seeds he has collected himself over the past 20 or so years. Seeds that he has carefully screened for vitality and suitability for the Sonoran desert. His cacti are his art and he is very, very proud of them. As he should be.

He sells his product to the major retail nurseries in town, which in turn mark them up thirty, forty percent – maybe more. So the lucky few who have heard from a friend about Dr. Cactus’ lawn of cacti get a smoking deal. My husband and I are one of them. And if you live in Tucson and want in on the secret – shoot me an e-mail and I’ll give you the details.

I called to make sure that he was home and to see how much an ocotillo was going to cost me. He told me how much – and how he planted the seeds for these him self and how they are guaranteed forever. He said “If it dies, you bring it back to me and I’ll give you another one. None of my cacti die.” He goes on “When are you coming? My daughter is just home from college and we want to finish up our Christmas shopping. But if you are coming before 11 – I’ll wait for you as long as I can.”

I tell him I’ll be there in thirty minutes after I drop off my little one with my mother in law. I strap my son in his car seat and continue to plot my plan on the way to Grandma’s house. “I’ll grab me an ocotillo, and something else – maybe a golden barrel – or maybe a purple prickly pear. Oh, my husband may not want that, too much maintenance. Maybe an agave then… I’ll drop the suckers back off at the house and be on my way to the mall to finish my shoping. I’ll be home in time to finish my projects, clean the house and find a landscaper. Maybe I can find one who can come today! Getting my cacti should only take 10 minutes or so….”

I deposit my bouncy nine month old in his waiting grandmother’s arms and I am off to see the Cactus Doctor. It has been a while since I’ve been there last. I can’t wait to see what I’ll find.

As I pull up to the gate, he and his assistant are waiting for me. I am wearing just a sweater, but it is a chilly December morning – for Tucson. I’m so use to not wearing a coat since last year I had my internal space heater. I forget I’m not still pregnant and haven’t bothered with one since. First thing Dr. Cacti does is offer me his coat. I assure him I’m ok. I try to fight the urge to shiver and pray for the sun to make its appearance.

We walk over to the ocotillos and I instantly see the one I want. It is the tallest, about three and a half feet high and it still has some of its leaves. Dr. Cacti explains how he has grown these from seeds he has collected in this desert – assuring a high survival rate. He hands me a piece of paper with instructions on how to care for my ocotillo – but goes on to explain it to me as well. He explains why not to water it before a freeze, but that an ocotillio is pretty resilient. He shows me the one he has experimented on – he wanted to see if there was a max of how much water and fertilizer he could give it. He found out, there was no limit. It was one of the biggest ocotillos I have ever seen.

Next to it was her brother – the mighty saguaro. The fattest, meatiest, greenest saguaro I have ever seen. Normally you couldn’t stick a finger between two saguaro ribs without getting pricked. This guy was so well watered and fed; you could safely stick a fist between the ribs without so much as a scratch. He explained to me it was the same thing. You couldn’t over water it, you couldn’t over feed it. It just soaks it up and in return it not only survives, it thrives. It achieves just what you wanted.

He goes off to get a bobcat to load my selected ocotillo into the bed of my truck. “You’re going to load it with a bobcat?” I asked cautiously. He says “Yep. I don’t try to lift those things myself anymore. Too heavy.” I stare at my ocotillo in its 15 gallon container wonder why I ever thought I would just be able to drop it off and head to the mall. I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to get it out of the truck and hidden before my husband gets home!

Instead of dwelling on how my great idea has turned into a giant pain in the neck, I start to search for plant number two. I walk up and down the rows of cacti in 5 gallon pots – golden barrels, a variety of agave, prickly pears in green, purple and shades in between, bishop cactus and so many I don’t know the name of. I see the type of barrel cactus I had picked up from here three years prior – it has bright pink thorns. I tend to have a wilting green thumb when it comes to plants – yes I have even killed cactus. But these that I got from Dr. Cactus – these he has grown himself so carefully, do not die.

Dr. Cactus finishes loading the ocotillo. He asks if I am going far and I say no. He reminds me to drive slow so it doesn’t tip. I finally settle on a Queen Victoria Agave – probably the prettiest agave I have ever seen. He tells me how he collected the seeds for this one in the mountains of Mexico in the 80s. He precedes to hand me an agave handout and says the same thing – “You can’t over water it, you can’t over feed it. The more you give it, the faster it will grow.”

As he is writing up my receipt, I ask “What is your daughter studying?” He looks up and beams, “She’s studying physics. She chose that all on her own. Now I’m a scientist, but I wouldn’t tell her what her career should be no sooner than I would tell anyone what their career should be. But, she certainly loves math and science.”

If proud described what Dr. Cactus was over his work, then I just don’t think I have a word to described how pleased he was with his daughter – not only as a student or as an accomplished athlete – but as a person. The same level of enthusiasm was expressed when he talked about his youngest son.

He paused to ask “Do you have any children?” I replied, “Yes, he is nine months old.” He then goes on to give me his tried and true advice on raising children. It went something like this:

“Read to him. Every night. Read to him what you are reading. They love it. And besides it being good for him – it’s just the best feeling in the world when they snuggle up to you as you are reading to them.

My daughter, when she was a newborn, I would swaddle her up and read to her. At the time, I had to keep up with the science journals for work. I had to read them anyway – so I just started reading them out loud to her. They may not understand it at first, but I think it helps prepare them. Reading to my children about all topics helped them to be confident with any topic, because it was familiar to them.

No don’t get me wrong – we didn’t just read. We traveled, we went fossil hunting and star gazing… Heck, we sit on that couch and laugh at Sponge Bob all together too. I didn’t restrict their TV – but they never watched much… I think I just gave them such a variety of options, they chose how to spend their time base on those options.”

As we loaded up the agave in the back of the truck, closed the tailgate and wished each other a merry Christmas, Dr. Cactus reminded me once again about the care of my new cactus and on the care of my new son. “Read to him” was his last instruction.

I got home and because I am stubborn and dare I say resourceful I got that damn ocotillo out of the back of my car and into the backyard all by myself. I’ll spare you all the details, but I didn’t break the ocotillo and I didn’t break my self. The agave – well the poor agave made it in one piece, but had a rough ride home.

Later, I reflected on my conversation with Dr. Cacti and the parallel of how he cares for both his cacti and his children and I realized it was really the same philosophy. Just like you cannot give a cactus too much water or fertilizer – you cannot give a child too much love and positive attention. You may not have any control over some aspects of their life – such as the choices they make as an adult, but if you do your best to give them the most care while they are growing – if you love them and feed their mind, chances are they will not only survive, but thrive.